Saturday, 8 June 2013

08.6.13 mkII - Patrick speaks Cantonese, a play in 400 words


I did one blog a while ago in play script format, that I know a few of you liked. I thought I’d wheel it out again for this Canto conversation I had today. I said in today’s sister post that the people on Tung Lung Chau were pretty friendly, and either had no English or were much happier letting me stumble over my Canto than most people in the main island.

I was very pleased to go into the pictured café, and have a chat in Canto alone and get what I wanted…and then it all got a bit beyond my abilities.

Where I write ‘blah-di-blah’ below, this was my hosts saying stuff I didn’t understand. There’s quite a bit of it.

ME: Hello

MAN: Hello

ME: A can of coke and a bottle of water please

WOMAN: Wah! You know how to speak Chinese!

ME: Haha, a little, a little.

WOMAN:  Blahdiblahdiblah Chinese, wah!

ME: Er…haha…er?

WOMAN: HAHA, blahdiblahdiblah speak Chinese!

ME: Er…I speak a little Cantonese…er…I am English person

WOMAN: Ooooh, blahdiblahdiblah English blahdiblah, waaaah!

[MAN brings my coke, rescuing me from being stuck for what to say]

ME: Thank you. How much?

MAN: 18 dollars

ME: Wah! Very cheap! 18 dollars…[I pass him dollars].

WOMAN: [apropos nothing] Very hot! [it was]

ME: Too hot, too hot, ah!

WOMAN: [suddenly inexplicably animated, she spots my iPhone and points at it and then into the nearby undergrowth repeatedly] blahdiblahdiblahdiblaaaaaah!

ME: [having not caught even one word, I am stuffed] Erm…er…I…

MAN: [follows his wife’s example, pointing and very excited] Blahdiblahdiblahdiblah cow blahdiblah!

ME: Cow?

MAN+WOMAN TOGETHER: Cow! [man pushes the point home by miming horns on his head and snorting]

ME: Er…[looks where they are pointing. No sign of a cow. Or beef?]…Where cow? Why cow? No cow!

WOMAN: [flapping her arm now and nodding] There is cow, blahdiblahdiblah [points at my phone]

ME: [Admitting defeat] I’m sorry I don’t understand…er…

WOMAN: [looking annoyed now] You blahdidblahdiblah there is cow blahdiblah.

ME: [desperate now] Don’t know, er, understand, er, I…[trying to change the subject I sip my coke] Ah, is very cold!

WOMAN: Hmph.

Silence. I drink my coke while they look at me.

No idea what that was about.

But still, at least they, after a fashion, let me try to speak. I had the same old depressing problem when I got back to the island hours later, where they have an odd, Parisian-esque reluctance to let you speak the local lingo. Here is how my chat went with a street fruit seller. The bits underlined are in English.

ME: You have not have lemons?

MAN: YES

ME: One lemon how much?

MAN: FWEE DOLLAAA

ME: 3 dollars. [gets wallet out rummages for coins, counts them out] One, two, three dollars. Thank you.

MAN: FENK YEEEEW

Sigh.

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