Claire and I went to Cheung Chau this weekend – the HK
version of a ‘staycation’, as it’s one of the outlying islands. I was going to
write about the island…but the hotel stole the show.
For Cheung Chau, suffice to say it’s famous in HK for being
crammed full of fish restos, what with still being heavily local and having its
own fishing fleet. Hence this fairly disturbing bit of urban art painted on a children’s playground.
Look closely. It’s not just the slogan, but the bloody
flying knives that got us.
We stayed in the Warwick Hotel. On the web, it dresses
itself as the height of pomp, swank, posh. Banquets. Unsurpassed views.
Romantic balconies. Stylish rooms. Suites available. Luxurious pool. Spa. For
the discerning, it has the “SUMMER FUNFUN PACKAGE”. It even features on the
official tourism board’s mandarin advert for Cheung Chau – I seriously suggest
you watch it if you’re in need of cheering up (top link): http://www.warwickhotel.com.hk/en_guide.htm
These clues should have triggered warning bells. We had a
lovely time, and I wouldn’t take it back…but really, this was aimed at Mainland
Chinese and the odd Hong Konger…
Odd customer care: the guy on reception had
American-accented, gangster-filmish English and was obsessed with my paying
more than anything else.
ME: Hi, we have a booking?
Him: Yes. You pay?
Me: Er…no, not yet.
Him: You pay now.
Me: Right. Rrrright. Do you have my booking?
Him: [sigh] Name!
Me: Turner
Him: [taps computer
irritatedly] Yes we have. You pay.
Me: OK, er…my key first?
Him: [exasperated,
rummages and hands me a key] Yes, so you pay.
Me: OK! Can I just order breakfast?!
Him: [mimes drawing a
brace of pistols from his belt and mowing us down in a hail of bullets]
GIMME YOUR MONEEEEY!
Odd services: The pool was located at the end of a very dingy,
sticky-carpeted corridor, behind a battered door propped open with a mop. About
7 metres long. And every square inch filled with inflatable animals. The spa
was a very unprepossessing room, and the lady on the poster had her face
squashed at an odd angle and a creased brow. She looked like she’d been shot.
The Room: The clincher. We walk in to a large space, very
open and breezy. Seaside-y. How could they enhance this further via décor? I
know!
Of course! It’s
not a proper seaside break unless you are watched over by frolicking, massive
DOLPHINS! Hooray!
And the coup de grace. The view really was wonderful. Sweep of the beach and the bustling islands to your left, pretty hills and the bay centre, and right the whole of HK laid out. Beautiful. How could one make such a scene even better for the holidaymaker? Mood lighting? Candles? Nuh-uh.
WHIRLY MULTICOLOURED DISCO LIGHTS IT IS.
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