This one is aimed at my colleagues in the Civil Service. Behold!
The Add Value Machine!
For those spared the bafflingly jargon-filled world of UK
government ‘adding value’ is a clumsy-sounding catch all phrase for anything or
anyone who produces good work or positive outcomes. So for example: “That
meeting was really value adding for that project”.
So here we have it – what the Government needs, is one of
these. Indeed, the instructions read “Insert notes/card to add value”. Which is how
Government should work anyway, right? Put cash in, get useful stuff out?
These machines are actually used to top up the Oyster card
equivalent, the Octopus card. Or so I thought – actually, Oyster is the
imitator here. Octopus arrived in 1997, and is bigger and better than its British
cousin. There are 20 million in use (three times HK’s population), and 95% of
HK residents use one. Plus, not only is the whole transport network geared to
use Octopus, its most impressive aspect is its multiple uses: convenience shops
and supermarkets; most outlets in metro stations; parking meters. Furthermore,
some schools and workplaces use them to allow entry to certain buildings, and
monitor attendance.
The Octopus lives up to its logo of Making Everyday Life Easier. However, its best features are
reserved for those who register their personal details on it. So just like the
HK ID card, it is convenient and user-friendly; but there is something faintly Orwellian about it too.
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